Hmmmm... I hardly know how to write this post. I don't know how to begin or end. All I know is that it's been almost two weeks and I am still reeling over the loss of Pete's cousin and my friend, Natalie. Natalie would have turned 34 today. I can't believe she is gone. She was an amazing person. You know one of those people you meet and think, wow, my life is better because I know her. And truly she scattered sunshine and smiles wherever she went. Her life was a legacy of love. I am in awe of the example she left for me to try to live up to. She had four children and was a fantastic mother, sister, daughter, and friend.

I met Natalie early in my courtship with Pete and was at once welcomed into the family as if I had always belonged there, as if she'd been saving a special spot just for me, as if we had been friends all our lives. I miss her and yet I know where she is. I don't grieve for her, I grieve for me, I grieve for all of us who will miss her. I feel sad that my little girls will never know cousin Natalie, that Madie will never be held by her, that Meg will have one less cousin she shares her beautiful red hair with.

When I grow up I want to be like Natalie. I am sure she never knew what a profound influence she had on all who knew her. I am sure she never knew what a profound influence she had on me. I wish I would have told her.

To know Natalie was to love her. I feel blessed I am one of the lucky people who knew her in this life, and that I will know her in the next. I know that families can be together forever, and that my cheering section on the other side of the veil just got one sweet redhead.

This weekend we had two visitors. Our friends Lael from Washington D.C. and Kara from Gainsville, FL. We knew them both at BYU. In fact they were both present the night we met. (Ahhhh) This weekend was a nice trip down memory lane, and it was nice to catch up with each of them and also hear updates on people we haven't stayed in contact with! Our girls were...themselves and I think that alone was enough to convince both our friends they never wanted children and might be even willing to pass up ever getting married. OK...maybe it wasn't that bad. But I failed to take a single picture. Sorry I am so busy living life I often fail to document it...at least that sounds better than the camera needed new batteries, eh?

Megan continues to entertain us with her amazing wit and intellect. Sunday during church as we were getting ready to take the sacrament. I was quietly talking to her about what we were going to do and why(mostly to hopefully get her to stop talking incessantly in her normal speaking voice...anybody know when kids learn to whisper?) And so I told her we were going to take the water to remind us of Jesus' blood and the bread reminds us of his body. And she replies, "We don't drink blood." She said it fairly loudly two or three times. Oh well, I am sure the sweet sister sitting in front of us was thinking why don't these people get a muzzle for their adorable child. Sigh.

As for my little Madie, she is a sweetie pie. Pretty easy going, sleeping almost through the night and already 17 lbs. She is already wearing clothes that Meg wore when she was crawling. She is a little cuddle bug and so smiley. She coos and babbles a lot, and even tries to sing if there is music on. She got her immunizations last week and was a pretty good sport about the whole thing. Now if we could only get her to take a bottle...tips anyone?

Yesterday we went to a strawberry patch and picked 5 quarts of delicious strawberries. Meg was very excited that we were picking strawberries like on one of her favorite episodes of Dora. I think we will go back Monday and get a few more to freeze or make jam or something equally domestic.

Two going on 13

Pete brought Meg the pink ukulele from Hawaii

What... do I look like I am on a diet?

Madie asleep in the bouncy chair.

You know you have arrived when you have this conversation with your child. The other day Megan was not happy with us about having to sit in her high chair for meal time. So I was trying to get the screaming and crying to stop and in the process I said, "Megan we love you." And she said between wails, "No, you don't love me. YOU don't love me!" My jaw dropped and I just stopped and stared. It was said with all the drama and angst of a 13 year old girl. I thought we wouldn't have this one come up for another 10 or 11 years, but nope, at two she already gets how to really punish her poor mom.

She has been so funny lately. She assigns us all character roles from movies and then calls us by that name all day. Today is a "Matilda" day and I am "Miss Honey", Pete is "Ms Trunchable", Madie is Matilda's friend "Lavender" and of course Meg is Matilda. On other days we are all characters from Madagascar, Pete is Melman the giraffe, I am Marty the Zebra, Meg is Gloria Hippo and Madie is Alex the lion. She woke up on one of these days asking "Where is Melman?" It is pretty funny, but sometimes I forget who I am, and what movie I am in. Meg is happy to remind us.

Madie continues to be a happy and smiley girl, but does have a fussy time in the afternoon, usually between 3:30-5pm. Otherwise she is a darling girl and its nice to have someone else calm around here.

This is not the post I intended to write this morning. But after checking out a few blogs and crying over the challenges of some, this is the blog I need to write today.

I am so blessed. I am so lucky. My life is good and full. I have so much to be grateful for and so little to complain about. I tend to forget just how good life is when there are toys and strewn all over our small space, when my toddler wakes up crying in the middle of the night just cause, when I find Pete has eaten the last of the ice cream, when our computer is infected with 26 viruses, when the folded laundry gets unfold for the 3rd time before I can get it put away, when Madie insists its time to eat only an hour after her last meal, when I look in the mirror and see the new wrinkles and the old lovehandles still going strong.

Life is all about perception and perspective. Today I am CHOOSING to see a home where the residents aren't afraid to live and make a little mess, where the toddler knows that even in the middle of the night Mom and Dad will come because they care, where my husband is supporting me in my weightloss goals by getting rid of all the temptations, where we have all the technology we need, where we are blessed to have a washer and dryer and the ability to do our own laundry, where there is a darling healthy chunky baby to cuddle, hold and care for, and where when I look in the mirror I see a daughter of God, made in his image, who gets to experience mortality and look forward to resurrected body.

I will write the post I was going to later. This is the one I needed to write for me.

Pete is enjoying his Hawaiian Vacation(or work trip) and I am enjoying my sleepless nights with my two little princesses. Seriously, we are having a grand time, but I could use a about a 36 hour nap. Last night Megan had such a hard night she ended up in bed with me...and I ended up sleeping across the bottom of the bed, without a pillow, because she was turned sideways and I couldn't handle the kicking and she had ALL the pillows. Needless to say when the alarm went off this morning I did not get up to exercise.

Wednesday late afternoon Madie woke up with pink eye, so I took her to the urgent care, because it is almost impossible to get into our Pedi on base the same day or even sometimes within two days(grrrr) and I didn't want to wait. Her eye was pretty swollen. They gave me erythromicin eye ointment and seriously by yesterday it looked 98% better. So far Meg and I are pink eye free...I hope it lasts.

While we were at the urgent care they weighed the little chunky monkey and she weighed 16 lbs 12 oz with her clothes on. I knew she was heavy, but come on...Meg didn't hit 16lbs until she was almost 6 months...and I thought she was a nice chunky girl...Madie is a sumo wrestler in comparison. I just don't understand how she can be gaining like this, and I am eating 1700 (very healthy) calories or less everyday, and I am still not really loosing weight. Oh well. Maybe when I wean her in a couple months, the weight will just fall off! I can hope right?

Time flys...and so does Pete!

Can you say Budda Belly?

The Monkey suit is size 6-12 months. It already fits Madie.
Megan in her Cinderella dress from Delora and Grady!

Saturday, Pete took Megan to her first Daddy Daughter Dinner and Dance. It was hosted on base. I don't know who was more excited Megan or Pete, but they had a good time. Here are pictures of the two of them all dressed up!

Lately we have been having some issues when it is time to pray with Megan...When it is her turn she talks so quietly you can hardly hear her, and when its anyone elses turn she talks loudly through the prayer and so you can't hear them. So the other night she had started to say family prayers..."Heavenly Father...mumble mumble.....grateful....mumble mumble...and so I stopped her and said. Meg, can you say it loud enough so daddy and I can hear. So the next thing you know...HEAVENLY FATHER, WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR THIS DAY...etc...all at the top of her lungs. So yeah...who knew two year olds were such literalists.

Madie has had to move up to size 2 diapers. The 1-2's were just too small. This is one big girl. Last night I put a set of 3-6 month pj's on for the first and last time...just too small for our big little girl. She is a little cuddlebug and I am so glad for that. She is also starting to really coo and it is too cute. Madie has her three month check, with shots on Monday ( we were out of town for the two so we are already behind...swell)

Pete is heading off to Hawaii in the next day or so for a 5-6 day trip. Poor Pete. But he did promise to bring me a box of pinapples...I love fresh pinapple.

And I keep plugging away at my resolutions...progress on all fronts is slow but someone wise once said "Progress is not so much a matter of speed, as it is a matter of direction..." or something like that. So atleast I continue to persevere and I have 8 months left on the get in shape one...plenty of time right?

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday we hit the milestone of having been married for 4 years. Its hard to believe its been that long. How did we celebrate you might wonder...we spent all day unpacking, rotating clothes for little girls,(Madie has out grown EVERYTHING) and ended with a family trip to the commissary for groceries. Thanks to my parents baby sitting we were able to go out to lunch without children on the 17th. But before you think we are too lame...Pete just got back into the USA on Sunday...arrived in Missouri to pick us up late Monday night. We flew out on Wednesday...arriving at 7pm that evening. It's been busy!

Pete rarely reads my bloggings, but I just want to say I love you!!! Thanks for 4 fun fast flying years...heres to at least another 46 more!!! I love you enough to do a feat...even Everest!!!